The End Has Come

Over the last few weeks, I feel like I have reinforced things I knew to be true and learned a few new things about body language, as well as myself. When I think back, I have realized how important it is to look at the small things. Body language is such a small piece of our interaction but plays one of the biggest roles. I have noticed bad days, had people open up when I realize something is wrong, walked away when I knew something was wrong, and been frustrated when people did not notice my body language.

One of the most eye opening experiences is when I was quite upset when people didn't notice from my body language that I was having a bad day. I was upset because I noticed when they weren't having a good day and they couldn't take a few minutes to make sure I was doing o.k.. After letting this sit for a few days, I realized that I can't be mad. I have been fortunate enough to study Communications and understand all the inner workings of it. Most to do realize what an important part body language plays in the world of communication. I can't be mad they they have not learned everything that I have. I need to remind myself of this often and try to relay this important information.

I believe that if you lead by example, others will catch on. All I can do is be responsible for my actions and hopefully I can share my knowledge with others. Life is about learning and we can't expect everyone to know everything. Communication is so important and we who understand thing need to be the ones to get the word out.

This project has challenged me to continue learning about communication and body language alike so that I may use it effectively. If I do not use the knowledge that I have acquired, the last two years have been a complete waste.

Child's Play

Today we did our community project for class...we went and volunteered our time at a Preschool. At first, I wasn't too sure how much we would contribute to the program. As we arrived I could feel myself become a bit tense at the uncertainty and it was most likely visible to the kids and staff. It seemed like everyone but us knew what was going on and what to do.

You could tell that the kids were just as uncertain about us as we were about them. One little girl kept looking from Jason to me and back to Jason not sure of who we were and what we were doing there. The staff refereed to her behavior as "stranger danger" behavior. She would not leave the teachers side and you could tell that her body was quite tense because she was so unsure of who we were. On the other hand, we had a few of the little ones looking up at us and mimicking our behavior. It was interesting to see the difference of body language of some of the kids towards us.

One of the kids I noticed right off the bat was a little boy who was off in the corner all by himself. He seemed shy and uninterested in what everyone else was doing. Jason made a point of making him feel included. You could tell after bit that he seemed to open up and warm up quite a bit after just receiving some attention.

I think today was the day where I noticed body language the most. I was able to see how interaction and relationships play a role in body language. If a child does not know you and is not comfortable around you, you will visibly see it much more than you would in an adult. Children put everything out there for you to see it. As the day progressed it was so fun to see the kids loosen up and begin to interact with us. This also helped us with our body language. We were no longer appearing nervous or stiff because we did not know what was going on around us. I believe that this helped put the kids as ease as well.

By the end of the morning we were able to interact with the kids and actually learn a little bit about them. I love seeing a child open up to someone they wouldn't have if they did not feel comfortable. We need to be aware of what we are expressing through our bodies when we are around children. I believe that they can read us better then we can ourselves. Be aware of your impact on them.

Questions Without Answers

During the question time of my presentation on Monday, someone asked if I would ever consider a career in helping people understand the effects of their body language. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. Is there such a career? I don't know if I would ever pursue that, but can I help those around me understand how important it is? Can my photographs help people understand their bond with those around them through their body language? Do people really care about body language?

These are all questions that I think I will continue to ask myself. I may never find the answers but I can embark on a fun adventure trying to answer them. As I go through my days I try to observe, respond and evaluate body language of myself and others. When I photograph, I will seek to the essence of a relationship. As I interact I will respond to small hints. This is all I can do

One Of Those Days

Today I was just in a funk. No real reason. Life just seems a bit overwhelming at times lately. Really, it's just me making decisions a lot more difficult than they need to be. I tend to freak out with change and uncertainty. The funny thing is that I don't like things to get stagnant and enjoy new things. So I get caught in a catch 22. Now that I write this out I see how ridiculous it is!

Well today was one of those freak out moments. As I walked into work, it must have been written all over my face because one of the girls I worked with right away asked me if I was o.k.. I told her I just had a lot on my mind and talked to her for a few minutes about it. It was neat to see someone else really pay attention to body language. No one else noticed that I wasn't in the best of moods so I was pretty impressed.

I am also realizing how hard it is to change your body language when you are feeling one way and are forced to change your attitude. While at work I have to constantly smile and be friendly. Everything in me was exuding the opposite but I had to cause myself to behave in a different way. Mood really affects your body language, and I noticed that when I was forced to behave a certain way it affect my body language. In this instance, it was a positive effect and by the end of the night I was feeling a bit better.

Well Done Class

So today was my presentation and I have to say...well done class. You were alert, well poised and I saw quite a few head nods. Well done with the body language. Either you were actually interested in what I was saying or your pretty good actors! My favorite part was when Dr. Bill looked around when I mentioned body language during class, I think he was impressed.

I hope that you have taken the time to notice a bit more about body language over the past week. It really is amazing what you notice when you slow down and try to take in the little moments that pass by so easily if we let them.

What Have I Learned?

So two weeks have come to a close and they have seemed to fly by. Weeks seem to be doing that lately! Coming out of these two weeks I really feel like I lived a little richer than usual. I am so accustomed to walking through my day, actually more like rushing. I hardly take the time to really notice the little things in life and seem to be the most important.

After giving myself this challenge, I have come to a greater sense of how important body language is. I have always know it was important and the classes here at Sac State have reinforced that but some how it always feel into the back of my mind. I would pick up on things here and there, but with this challenge I have noticed more than I ever thought I would.

Trust me, I am not perfect, I will not noticed everything like I mentioned in previous posts but I think I made a real improvement. I feel that if I keep on this path, my relationships will improve and I won't miss out on all those small moments that could make a huge difference.

Besides improving my relationship and willingness to put myself out there to help others because of the body language they are giving off I have become more aware of what I am giving off. I need to be careful in my personal , educational and professional life. One of the things I really need to work on is my body language towards people at work. I am there to do a job and I need to realize how I am effecting others. I need to be more observant and considerate towards the ones who are in my life, my roomie, my family and my friends. I need to make sure I am presenting my body language in a way that others would know that I am interested in what they have to say. All of these things will be a challenge but I know that each one of them will improve my relationships and life in general.

Life is made of challenges, and I believe that by giving yourself challenges you can really see growth in yourself. I want to continue with this challenge to see where it leads me. What little moments will I now notice? How many people will I affect in a positive manner by noticing small instances of body language that no one else did? How will my willingness to be an active listener and presenting that with my body language affect those who are sharing their knowledge and experiences affect both them and myself. I hope to always grow and challenge myself beyond college and not let myself stop learning just because I am outside the academic world.

Were You Getting Lectured?

So I can't help but laugh because of my night at work last night. It started off pretty rough and the tension was building. One of the servers came up and said some smart remark to me and as she was walking up the stairs she tripped. I felt horrible for laughing but I just couldn't keep it in. Looking around, guests at a near by table tried to keep in as well. He looked down towards the ground and covered his mouth. I could tell by his body language that he was giving it his all not to bust out laughing.

We had another guest who came in an just by his posture and facial expressions I knew he wasn't a happy man. When noticing this, I tried to be friendly and welcome (more than usual) to make him feel comfortable and to improve his body language. It didn't seem to work and it was a bit disappointing. Throughout this challenge I have made a point of trying to pick up on the small body language cues to improve someone's mood or my relationship with them, but if someone is not receptive, there is not much that I can do.

Another thing that made me laugh tonight at work tonight was when I was watching two of the other greeters (who are sisters) talk from across the room. I could see one sister moving her hands and head as she was talking to the other. As the other sister walked over to me, I asked "Were you getting lectured?". She couldn't figure out how I know and I told her I have been making an effort to pay attention to body language. All she could do was laugh because I know what was going on just by observing and not hearing any part of their conversation.

Lost in Translation

Long distance relationships = no fun

My boyfriend lives in Pennsylvania and (obviously) I live here in Sacramento. To say the least...distance sucks! I have come to terms with the distance and know here shortly that distance won't be an issue. Every day since I started this challenge I have realized how much I miss out on without having the ability to observe his body language. Many times, he doesn't get my jokes (because they can sometimes be lame) due to the fact that he can't see my expressions.

Many times this is frustrating because so much of who I am is revealed through my body language. It's a challenge in itself to figure out way to communicate that lack of body language. I always knew how important body language was but because of this challenge, I realize how essential it is.

We have found ways to overcome this. I add smily faces to text, make sure my tone comes across as a playful tone and many times say "that was supposed to be funny".

Body Language FAIL

To say the least, my roomie has been going through some hard times this semester. At the beginning I was really good about noticing and acknowledging her body language and knowing when to make sure she was o.k.. Coming home from class today I was just plain tired and had enough worries when I walked through the door to find her on the couch. The expression on her face was pretty blank and her body seemed pretty tense. I knew she was having a hard time but I just walked on by, didn't say more then hello and went into my room.

I'm feeling pretty bad that I ignored her body language and didn't check to make sure she was alright. This is where I think we have a battle. If you truly know a person and by their body language you know that they are not doing well you will have to decide if you want to open that can of worms or ignore it. I know that from this experience that I will do all in my power to make sure that I at least make sure that the person is doing o.k. if I notice something is off about their body language. I should walk away just because I have had a bad day myself.

Miss Celie's Blues

After watching The Color Purple the other night, it really got me thinking. How do our actions effect others? Do they have a direct correlation to others body language? The movie is such a fantastic representation on what someone's actions can do to a person. Miss Celie has been abused most of her life and has only had attention given to her when they were ordering her to do something or beating her. After years of abuse, she no longer stands with confidence, smiles without her hand over her mouth or speaks out unless it is in response to someone else.

This scene is so powerful to me because it shows the beginning of healing for Celie. Shug is showing undivided attention to her and she does not know how to respond. She covers her smile and avoids eye contact. Once she realizes that someone has noticed her she lights up (as much as she can).

Body language runs so deep within a person, it's so important to watch for it. We take it so casually and treat it as if it doesn't matter. But open your eyes, look around and see what signals people are sending all around you.

Not So Happy Camper

Today we had a paper due, was I on time...not so much. Was I happy that I was late...not so much. I hate running into class late, especially when something is due. I am always annoyed by those people who come in to class 10 or 15 minutes late, walk straight across the room throw down their backpack and sit down with a huge sigh. Your body language only says that you are inconsiderate and need a watch . Mind you, I do know that life happens but chronically being late is not respectful (o.k. I'm done).

Well today was one of those days that I was late. I walked into class about 10 minutes late and you could tell by my professors body language that I was not the only one that had been late. A few minutes after my arrival she went into a lecture about being late, what I guessed wasn't the first one she had given in those short 10 minutes. I felt horrible for one that I had disrespected her for not being on time and that I was now "one of those people".

This really got me thinking about my post earlier. What is my body language saying about me. Showing up late most likely with a stressed look on my face and rigid body tells nothing good about me. My professor made a great point that once we are out in the professional field, we can be running in late, we can't let our body language show how freaked out we are or no one will take us seriously!

What am I putting out there?

In class this morning, Kyle presented on improving his listening for his capstone project. During the presentation he mentioned what kind of listener he is in his classes. It was mentioned that active listening includes leaning forward and sitting upright while someone is speaking. This made me think about myself and how I present my body language.

For the past two years I have been a student here at Sac State. What has my body language told others about myself. Have I shown my professors that I am listening and active by my body language? I catch myself leaning forward during lectures but other times I am looking around, looking at other work or plain ol' staring off into space. I need to be more aware of myself and what my body language is giving off to others.

So to all my professors and fellow students, I am sorry if my body language looked less than interested in what you were saying. I promise from here on out, really only three more weeks till graduation; that I will be aware of my body language. I'll lean forward, nod, and laugh at your jokes. Promise!

Whoops

So I messed up tonight...I had been doing pretty decent with paying attention to body language, but not so much today!

Sunday nights are the nights my small group from church gets together and like usual, Bill had a movie he HAD to show me and invited me to stay and watch it while I worked on my paper that was due the next day. Ashley, Bill's wife, had just gotten home that evening from the weekend women's retreat and seemed pretty tired so I asked to make sure she was o.k. with me staying after we were done meeting. When we were talking about it she seemed less than enthusiastic like normal but she said sure.

After working on my paper and getting half way through the movie, Ashley announced that she was going to bed and hardly said goodnight. This is when I was really cued into her body language and the way she really felt. I felt pretty lame for not analyzing the whole situation, especially her body language, when I made my decision of weather to stay or not.

Guess this whole taking body language into account is as easy as it seems!

Invisible Manager

Work has been rough lately. One of our managers left and the new one has been here just a few weeks while everyone is still trying to get used to the one that stated about six months ago. With so many different mixes of personalities and plenty of leaders to go around, there is bound to be confrontation.

Our GM has had her fair share of battles since starting last year. Everyone seems to have something to complain about, something they don't like or don't want to do. I try to stay out of the mix, do my job and call it a day. After getting a pretty bad review the other day, my GM was pretty much at her wits end with what to do. She wasn't her usual smiling self. I don't think anyone else notice. They all seemed to pass by her and not ask if she was o.k. or do anything to show that they had noticed she was having a hard night.

After asking her if she was o.k. she said she was fine. But since I gave myself this challenge, I didn't leave it at that. I didn't want to push the issue that she was having a hard time by her lack of smile, closed off posture and lack of eye contact. Knowing that she would leave that night without anyone acknowledging the signals she was giving away, I wrote her a note that simply said "Don't let tonight get you down. Smile" and left it on her desk. My hopes are that her body language changed and that it was a relief that someone noticed.

Not a fan of waiting...

Working as a greeter at a busy restaurant that is only open for dinner and has 33 table, we are faced with a wait pretty much every evening. There is nothing more that a guest hates to hear more than "We are on a 45 minute wait, can I have your name please?".

Each night I dread going into work because I know there will at least be one unhappy party because they had to wait a little longer than expected. Don't get me wrong, I have been in their shoes and understand it's not fun waiting for a table when you are starving. But sometimes, people decide to sit and talk and there's nothing we can do about it.

Tonight was one of those nights where everyone decided they wanted to sit for hours and we were over quote with those who were waiting for a table. While looking around the lobby, I made an attempt to honestly pay attention to body language to see who was happy and who was not. Even though we were over quote on a few parties, you could tell that one was particularly not happy. Their arms were crossed, the eye brows were furrowed and their kept staring in our direction.

All the other greeters weren't paying attention and in my opinion probably wouldn't have noticed that they were unhappy unless they came over to talk to us. By taking on my challenge and paying attention to their body language, I walked over to let them know that tables were sitting longer than expected and that we would get them seated as soon as possible. The shear fact that I noticed that they were unhappy without them even having to mention anything to me eased their discomfort.

There might be something to this challenge that might actually work. Here's to my first night of success of observing body language at work.

Hanging Outside of Work

Just got home from my managers going away party, it's so different seeing people outside of work. Usually our manager was pretty uptight and straight to business with a few side jokes thrown in here and there. Tonight, his body language was quite the opposite. When he walked in you could tell that he was so relaxed and was just enjoying himself. He gave hugs all around which he obviously never did while at work. It's amazing to me how a job or certain surroundings can totally change a persons body language.

While at the going away party I saw a co-worker who seemed quieter than normal and his shoulders were slouching a bit, it looked like he was in a pretty down mood. I walked over and asked how he was doing. He had just gotten back from an uncle's funeral and was just still in a bit of shock. By noticing his body language and talking to him for a bit it seemed as if letting some of that out really help and by what it looked like he cheered up a bit and went on to enjoy the rest of the evening

Kids Give it Away the Most

Sunday nights I go to small group for my church and we always prepare a meal together each week. Last night I was super excited because we were having a BBQ. This means summer is getting near! While we all began to sit down to eat dinner one of the guys had to run to the store real quick to pick something up. His wife was out of town so his daughter was sitting at the table with us as he ran to the store. I am really close with his little daughter and I notice that she had a worried look on her face and was fidgeting in her chair. As everyone was moving around her and it seemed as if no one else was noticing her. I asked if she was o.k. and she said yes. As I watched her for a little longer I realized the problem was that the pieces of meat she had were way to big for her to chew. After noticing this I walked over and cut it up for her. After doing this her body language softened and she was her normal happy self again.

I am excited to see where this challenge will take me. It's hard to really stop to pay attention to others when we are so used to being self focused. I am sure I will pass up opportunities to help someone out during these two weeks but hopefully not too many and that I will really learn something about myself through this.

Anyone Up for a Body Language Challenge?!?!

Growing up, in my house feelings were push aside. I was the one who had to be happy and make others happy. I couldn’t express my feelings or be upsets about something because that was not my role. My parent’s marriage has always been rough and we have had our fare share of medical issues with everyone in our family. I was a talkative and cheerful little girl and was the one who brought the “sunshine” so to say to the family.

As problems were masked and I grew older, I began to really pay attention to body language and to read how someone was really feeling beyond their words. I paid attention to how they held themselves contrary to what they said. Many times, I would be able to pin down that something was truly wrong.

After studying body language in multiple classes here at Sac State, I have realized how important it is in our interactions each day. Body language is something that we are so familiar with that sometimes, I think we often overlook it. When we were given our capstone project and told to chose a topic to explore, I thought hard and realized that body language is one of the most essential part of communication.

So, I took this project as a challenge to myself. A challenge to assess my understanding, perception and my ability to cue into a persons body language. What you will be following here is two weeks of me digging into the world of body language to discover how I could improve my relationships simply by focusing on body language and beyond words.